Jane’s Memory Run 2013

In the memory of my mother, Jane Bourque 3/22/21 – 08/15/2007
Today it was 40* here in Maine. Not bad after getting 15 inches of snow a couple of days ago. Because it was so nice out today, and the weather is never sure here in Maine, I opted to do my memory run for Mom today in celebration of her birthday tomorrow, March 22nd.
I parked the car at the local church and set off for my run. The air was crisp, but not too cold. I wore a baseball cap instead of a winter hat and that was all that I needed. I had on my favorite blue Columbia jacket and Reebok capris. But the best part of my outfit, were my new Mizuno Evo Levitas. The Mizuno company sent these a couple of months ago for me to review but it was shortly after my surgery, so I had to postpone until I could run again. Then winter storms kept me from running in them outside, so Ive been patiently waiting. More on that in a minute…
As I was running today I was talking to mom. Telling her how much I miss her and how life is not the same without her. I miss the walks we used to have at night when she was well. I miss watching her sew. I miss her Touchiere pie at Christmas. I miss watching her “shows” with her.  I miss sitting on the porch and playing the “car game”. I miss watching her drive around on her scooter. I miss putting her hair in curlers and putting her under the hairdryer. I miss her laugh. I miss her smile.  I miss her Jean Nate` perfume. I miss hearing her giggle when Luke and Catherine were playing… 
I often wonder what running races would be like with Mom here. I can imagine her standing at the finish line holding my water and a jacket, with a big smile. Today as I was running I imagined her as a young woman, running alongside me. She was so beautiful in her younger years, I can totally see why dad fell in love with her!   
When mom developed Congestive Heart Failure and it started to progress, I began to see a change in her. She started losing her zeal for life. She didn’t feel comfortable going out for long periods of time. As her health declined, she became more dependent on a wheelchair, which made going out much harder. The last year of her life, she struggled just to breathe without oxygen. I remember her looking so frail and I knew she was dying. It was so hard to watch her lose her will for life. I had to detach my heart to an extent, so that I could support dad, and make him understand that the end was coming. My father was so devoted to her, and was by her side every minute caring for her. He never went far without her. They were so much in love, even after 60 years of marriage. I watched my mother wither away, and I was with her when she passed on, holding her hand. I look back now, and see how ready she was to be gone from the pain and suffering. She was ready. I wasn’t, but she was…  
So today as I ran, I thought of all of those times.. the good, the bad… the pain, the tears. Then at one point I looked over at the horizon where the sun was beginning to come down and the sky was a deep shade of blue in that area. I remember how mom loved the color blue. It made me feel like she was there, with me as I ran. I tried to talk to her while I was running, I managed to mumble words here and there, and took the walk breaks to really converse with her in my heart. 
My mother loved to dress up… she was always shopping for a nice outfit, or a new pocketbook or shoes. My father used to complain about all the shoes in the closet! hahaha.. I guess I inherited that from her! Today I ran in my new Mizuno Evo Levitas, and they were phenomenal. They are zero drop, neutral running flats. My feet felt fast and free in them. They have just a wee bit of cushion under the forefoot, which helps me to think about my form when running. Mom would have loved my shoe collection.. haha.. Just like her, I have them all in their boxes, stacked up in the bedroom. She’s probably laughing at me right now as I write this…
Mom if you were here today, you would see that I am doing well. I miss you and dad terribly, but will never forget the woman that you were and the love you shared with me all those years. Thank you for loving me unconditionally and for being my best friend. You made me the woman I am today, and I am grateful.
I miss you mom. I love you mom. I will see you again some day.

8 responses to “Jane’s Memory Run 2013”

  1. Such a wonderful tribute to your Mom. I’m sure she was right there running alongside you in spirit.

  2. What a beautiful post. I often think about and dedicate my runs to my mom and brother who passed away much too soon. While they are not able to physically be with me to see my accomplishments, I know that they are always proud of me. I’m sure your mother would feel the same. The more we think and reflect on our loved ones the longer they will live on in our memories.

  3. Noemi S. says:

    So touching, thanks for sharing. Happy Birthday to your Mom!

    (I, too, keep my Mizunos all in their boxes, stacked up in the bedroom, next to the dresser. Lol.)

  4. I love reading your posts, they are so personal. Especially your dedications. Your parents would be proud of you.

  5. Jen says:

    Hugs to you! I often times find myself remembering all of the good times, what my mom taught me, and the final moments of my moms life when I’m running. It’s always a great private time to share with her.

  6. Awww this was so sweet to read…She sounds like a doll…Thank you for sharing this with us sweetie!

  7. Happy Birthday to your Mom <3 What a wonderful post.

  8. Ahh! This made me cry! What a great run you had to celebrate your mother and the wonderful life she led. I can see that she was a wonderful woman and your memories of her will be with you forever!